Searchery Rhymes: 2008 Edition by Aaron Goldman , Wednesday, July 23, 2008 NOW THAT I HAVE a little tyke of my own, I've developed a new appreciation for nursery rhymes. They're my go-to anytime Eliara starts acting fussy. The problem is I that I never know more than one verse so I have to start improvising. Last week, after the 10th reprise of "She'll be comin' round the mountain" had me riffing on Sue Decker and Yahoo, I knew it was time for another installment of Searchery Rhymes. Please enjoy with a side of Apple Seuss... Sue'll be Comin' Round Mountain View In the style of She'll be Coming Round the Mountain Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes. Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes. Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View, Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View, Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes. Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train when she comes. Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train when she comes. Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, when she comes. Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes. Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes. Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes, Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes, Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes. DOJ'lll go out to see her when she comes. DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes. DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes, DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes, DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes. Yahickory Dickory Dock In the style of Hickory Dickory Dock Yahickory dickory dock, Yang ran up against the clock, He gave it his best stuff, But Ballmer called his bluff, So much for it being a lock. Bostock and Yang Went to Great Pains In the style of Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill Bostock and Yang Went to great pains To avoid an outright acquisition. They played tough, $44 billion wasn't enough. Then they retreated their position. Bah Bah Ballmer In the style of Baa Baa Black Sheep Bah Bah Ballmer, have you any fun? Huffing and puffing, your job's never done. Speaking of Jobs, he really brought the pain. Squashed the Zune, but to you it's just a game. Bah Bah Ballmer, have you any fun? Too bad Yang won't give you his biz to run. I'm Snoozing, I'm Snoring In the style of It's Raining, It's Pouring I'm snoozing, I'm snoring, Your search results are boring. Your market share is barely there. Will Cashback get you roaring? Pow-er-set, Pow-er-set In the style of Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake Pow-er-set, Pow-er-set, Ballmer's plan, Is snap up technology as fast as he can. Roll it out, mash it up, just do it quickly, Then figure out how it'll make money. Hey Barry Diller In the Style of Hey Diddle Diddle Hey Barry Diller, Your engine's just filler On search media plans, ya know. The butler was a joke, Your technology's broke. Get crackin' with that spinoff bro. Yankee Google In the style of Yankee Doodle Yankee Google took over the town, It's PR spin smooth as a zamboni. Stuck creative in its cap, Scaring Mad Ave cronies. Yankee Google keep it up, Automating media, that's dandy. And now finally some transparency, Now this is really handy. Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt In the style of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt. Wish that were my name too. Whenever we go out, The people would always shout, There goes Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt. Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt. If that were my name too, People would surely know, I'm rolling in the dough. How many people can that private jet fit? All Around the Marketing Bush In the style of All Around the Mulberry Bush All around the marketing bush, Google's profits continued to double. Then the economy took a turn for the worse. Pop goes the bubble! Georgie Porgie (aka Reyes) Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie, Reported numbers that were always high. When the recession came into play, Georgie Porgie ran away. Hush Little Client In the style of Hush Little Baby Hush little Client, don't say a word, Agency's gonna buy you some more keywords. If those keywords don't convert best, Agency's gonna run a little copy test. If that copy test falls flat, Agency's gonna lower bids after that. If those bids can't go down any more, Agency's gonna fix your online store. If your online store can't be touched, Agency can't really do all that much. Twinkle, Twinkle Branding Star In the style of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star Twinkle, twinkle, branding star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the marketing food chain so high, Can't get that budget no matter how hard I try. Twinkle, twinkle, branding star, How I wonder what you are. | Aaron Goldman is Vice President of Marketing & Strategic Partnerships at Resolution Media, an Omnicom Media Group Company. Resolution Media helps marketers connect their brands to their audience through queries. Aaron blogs at FindResolution.com and GoodURLBadURL.com and can be reached at AGoldman@ResolutionMedia.com. | |
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